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LATEST NEWS KAWEMPE: Garbage disappeared under mysterious conditions from KCC dustbin yesterday morning. two pigs were arrested in connection with the incident and have reportedily recorded a startement at the OCP in kawempe. when contacted,the pigs vowed to proof their innocence. they were released on bail with the dustbin as their surety. the garbage has been a tourist atraction for flies for the past decade,who used to come from abroad i.e a nearby latrine and have their summer holiday from it. MBALE: Police had to fire gunshots into the air to disperse a crowd of red ants that had attacked a man inside a latrine. the red ants numbering about a hundred scattered for their safety in the nearby bush, but promised another attack on the man who they claim owes them a bag of sugar KATAKWI: A goat was rushed to hospital in an AAR ambulance while in a critical condition after it tried to commit suicide. the incidence occured at around 4:00pm on a tuesday morning. the goat is claimed to have taken an overdose of obushera and panadol. this is the second time the she-goat has attempted suicide citing domestic violence by her husband,the he-goat. in another un related incidence,another goat is undergoing rehabilitation for alcohol abuse and grass addiction. NAKAPIRIPIT: Two mosquito couples on a honeymoon drownwd in a bootle of top yesterday after they had gone for a swim. this was after they had,had a delicious blood meal from a watchman who was dozing while on duty . police suapect that the alcohol in the watchman's blood may have intoxicated them,but have promised to release a press statement very soon. GULU: A man popularily known as fullstop owiny was yesterday sentenced to death for strangling himself using a rubber band. he is reportedily hiding vertically inside his grave. the police are reportedily searching for him so that they can bring him back to life to serve his sentence. MASAKA: A dog popularily known as semugenze yesterday died of a heart attack after being told that he had failed to get admission to makerere university on government sponsorship. he wanted to study a degree course in roaming dynamics,his ambition since puppyhood. JINJA: Two houseflies died of cholera after two days of having a serious diarrhoea and a common cold. this was revealed by the medical supritendant of mogoto hospital. surprisingly,the man who ate the same meat with them is still very alive and kicking. NATETE: A grenade exploded into the air yesterday afternoon and left everyone scrambling for their noses. the grenade was thought to have been planted by some unidentified man who was thought to have eaten too much katoogo for lunch. the public is warned to be vigilant because he is on the run and probably planning another bigger attack! no one has sofar claimed responsibility. THIS NEWS WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY CNN-confused news network. DESPERATE APPEAL. Doormat simon okello of kawempe would like to announce the loss of 50kg of his weight. 10kg were lost from his potbelly in a certain gym. 20 more were stolen from his hips after a serious attack by some gangstars called diarrhoea. any one having any information concerning their where abouts should contact the nearest drunkard and report the matter. A big slap awaits you! HOUSE TO LET: An exclusive double storied dog house located in the surburbs of taxi park . 3 dogrooms,self contained with two bark rooms for barking at leisure fully furnished with a cement carpet. door locked using cellotape and woodglue. well stocked frodge with doggie's cerelac. balcony for seeing the thieves. large garden for roaming around. please only serious tenants rent to be paid in terms of dog mash inclusive of 5%VAT SOME DEFINITIONS: SMOKER: A person who uses his lungs as a charcoal stove. DRUNKARD:A walking brewery on its way to hell. THIEF:A person whose hands commit adultery with other peoples property

INSPIRATIONAL FRIENDSHIP POEMS
I Am Your Friend

You may not have ever seen me
But you know that I am here.
You can feel me in your heart
As you enter each new day.

I will always be there for you
I am your friend.

Someone to share the good times
As well as the bad.
I make no judgments by what you say
I just listen with my heart and
Hope to be of help in anyway I can.

I will be there for you now and forever
And always please remember
I am your friend!




True Friendship

True friendship isn't seen with the eyes, it is felt with the heart.
When there is trust, understanding, loyalty, and sharing.
True friendship is a rare feeling, but when it is found
It has profound impact on our well-being, strength, and character.
True friendship does not need elaborate gifts
Or spectacular events in order to be valuable or valued.
To ensure long-lasting quality and satisfaction,
True friendship only needs a few key ingredients:
Undying loyalty, unmatched understanding, unsurpassed trust,
Deep and soulful secrets, and endless sharing.
These ingredients, mixed with personality and a sense of humor,
Can make a friendship last a lifetime!
This is just a thank you, my friend, for all the wonderful and colorful
Special ingredients You've brought to my life!
Pass this on to such a friend!

- Author Unknown




Always Remember

Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.

Always remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue.
But don't forget to remember
Those that have stuck by you.

Always remember to forget
The troubles that have passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.

- Author Unknown




I'll Be Here

I cannot ease your aching heart,
Nor take your pain away;
But let me stay and take your hand
And walk with you today.

I'll listen when you need to talk,
I'll wipe away your tears;
I'll share your worries when they come,
I'll help you face your fears.

I'm here and I will stand by you,
On each hill you have to climb;
So take my hand, let's face the world...
And live just one day at a time.

You're not alone, for I'm still here,
I'll go that extra mile;
And when your grief is easier,
I'll help you learn to smile!

- Author Unknown




The Friend Who Just Stands By

When troubles come your soul to try,
You love the friend who just stands by.
Perhaps there's nothing she can do,
The thing is strictly up to you.

For there are troubles all your own,
And paths the soul must tread alone.
Times when love can't smooth the road,
Nor friendship lift the heavy load.

But just to feel you have a friend,
Who will stand by until the end.
Whose sympathy through all endures,
Whose warm handclasp is always yours.

It helps somehow to pull you through,
Although there's nothing she can do.
And so with fervent heart we cry,
God Bless the friend who just stands by.

Pass this onto all such friends...

- Author Unknown






What Is A Friend?

A friend is somebody
Who knows you and likes you
Exactly the way that you are.

Someone who's special
And so close in thought
That no distance can ever seem far.

A friend understands you
Without any words,
Stands by you
When nothing goes right.

And willingly talks
Over problems with you
Till they somehow
Just vanish from sight.

And whether you're neighbors
Or live miles apart,
A word from a friend gives a lift
To your heart and spirit.

That shows you once more
Why friendship is life's dearest gift!

- Author Unknown





Too True, Too Often


Too often we don't realize
What we have until it is gone
Too often we wait too late to say
"I'm sorry - I was wrong."

Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones
We hold dearest to our hearts
And we allow foolish things
To tear our lives apart.

Far too many times we let
Unimportant things into our minds
And then it's usually too late
To see what made us blind.

So be sure that you let people know
How much they mean to you
Take that time to say the words
Before your time is through.

Be sure that you appreciate
Everything you've got
And be thankful for the little things
in life that mean a lot.

- Author Unknown